Decentering Men and Reclaiming My Worth: Lessons from Overvaluing a Man’s Attention”

When I first encountered the popular topic of decentering men, discussed by various thought leaders online, I mistakenly assumed it meant diminishing a man’s value in a woman’s life. Frustrated by the constant gender wars, both online and offline, I simply dismissed it as man-hating rhetoric.

However, as I gained more self-awareness, I realized that many women, myself included, have unknowingly placed our value in a man’s hands—measuring our self-worth by his attention, approval, or commitment. This realization led me to revisit the topic with a fresh perspective, ultimately giving me three crucial insights into how overvaluing a man’s approval and attention had negatively impacted my life, especially in romantic relationships. With that said, I noticed the following in past romantic connections:

1. My needs took a backseat.

   When I centered my worth around a man, his needs always came first. Over time, the relationship became unhealthy, and I began to feel resentment—not just toward him, but also toward myself for neglecting my own desires.

2. I settled for less.

   When I focused on pleasing a man, I overlooked whether he was actually the right partner for me. I stopped asking myself important questions like: Does he align with my values? Does he pour into me the way I pour into him? Instead, I fixated on being enough for him, even at the expense of my own happiness.

3. I lost myself.

   Rather than living for myself, I molded myself into someone else’s idea of the perfect partner. My passions, goals, and personal joy took a backseat, and over time, I became a shadow of who I once was.

   
   

All of this chipped away at my confidence. With this realization, I made a decision: no more. From now on, I am focusing on my self-worth and personal growth, committing to nurturing and prioritizing my happiness. The cost of not doing so is losing myself, and that price is too high.

To anyone who resonates with this, I encourage you—as I am doing—to take the time to decenter men in your life by stopping the habit of measuring your worth by their validation. Instead, focus on becoming the woman of your dreams. I’ve learned that true self-worth comes from within, and when a woman fully embraces her value, love radiates from her naturally. She no longer seeks validation—she attracts love effortlessly and chooses it from a place of abundance, not desperation.

All in all, the journey to self-worth is about shifting the focus inward. It’s not about diminishing men, but about reclaiming the value we’ve unconsciously handed over to them. When we prioritize our own needs, set higher standards, and embrace our true selves, we step into our power.